I love you more than cravings for 5 Guys Burgers in
first trimester.
So here I am, 15 weeks preggo and I should be
glowing with the joy of knowing we have been chosen by the universe to carry on
the human race. Ever since my
relationship with my husband became serious four and a half years ago I have
wondered; can I even have kids? Is it
possible? I think a lot of women think
this way. Especially if in the years
they have been sexually active they have never had a pregnancy scare. So when I was 4 days late and became slightly
nauseous leaving my step-daughters choir concert on my way to my dad’s birthday
dinner I thought maybe I’m with child and if so I should probably know for sure
because it was my turn to drink at one of these family functions. So we stopped at Walmart and picked up a
pregnancy test and headed to the parentals.
As my husband and father discussed our ever so disappointing hockey
season I slipped away to do my business in the second floor bathroom. I read the instructions very carefully, I
let’er rip on the stick, re-capped that bad boy and waited. The instructions said to wait 3 minutes. In less than 60 seconds those 2 pink lines
lit up like a Christmas tree! Standing alone in my parent’s spare bathroom my
eyes began to well up with disbelief. I
guess this answered my question; I was indeed fertile. I sat and stared for a good 10 minutes in
complete shock and awe at the fact that I was at that very moment hosting the
creation of life. And then I realized I
wouldn’t be drinking. Damn!
Fast forward 5 weeks and the awe and excitement have
been slightly overtaken by the constant nausea and retching. Some days I would vomit, some days I would
just be nauseous all day and other days (these were my favorite) I just retched
like I was going to vomit but didn’t actually bring anything up. My record for number of times retched in a
single day I believe is 10. For those of
you who are not familiar with retching this is like dry heaving. Imagine for a moment you have gotten sick and
you throw up and you are exhausted from the vomiting and all you want to do is
rest so you call in sick. Okay so
imagine that feeling all day every day for 3 weeks and subtract the calling in
sick. Welcome to my first
trimester. My first 3 months were so
horrible I began to call my unborn child a mutant because I couldn’t imagine
anything human could do this to the vessel providing it the nourishment for
life.
Of course lots of people had their opinions and
suggestions on how to alleviate my sickness and headaches. I tried ginger; I threw it up. I tried sea sickness bands; didn’t work. I
drank lots of water; threw it up. I
stopped drinking coffee because the smell made me sick but then my doctor told
me quitting coffee was the cause of my headaches. I just couldn’t win. The only thing I discovered kept me away from
the constant retching was small boring snacks throughout the day every time I
felt the slightest bit nauseous and lots and lots of sleep!
That brings us to today. These days I get no sleep because I am up 7
times a night going to the bathroom even when I have cut off drinking any
fluids 30 mins before bed. I was also in
a car accident (3 actually) about 3 years ago so now that there is pressure on my
spine I wake up with back pain 3 or 4 times a night and have to rub my back
until I fall back asleep. So it goes
without saying that I am exhausted all of the time. On top of my constant exhaustion I am a roller
coaster of emotions. I am a naturally
sensitive person as it is but now I am living in a world where there are only
three levels of being: angry, exhausted and emotional breakdown. I’m not exactly the poster girl for
procreation here. And did I mention the
gas? Oh yes. From both ends and it usually starts for me
around 6pm and carries on well into my sleep.
I have finally warmed up a bit with the summer months on their way but
the inability to maintain warmth was definitely a shocker. You hear about pregnant women being warm all
the time. Nope I am the opposite. When it is a lovely summer day I love life
but as soon as the temperature drops a couple degrees I feel like I’m in the
arctic and I cannot regain the warmth without layering up and cranking the heat
which causes a conflict with my husband and then we are at the anger part of
the day.
No one told me pregnancy would be like this. Oh sure you hear about the morning sickness
and the cravings and being tired but almost all the information I have consumed
has assured me that everything levels off in first trimester and you get a
burst of energy. I’m still waiting. I have resolved myself that it is okay not to
be enjoying pregnancy. Not everyone can
love the process. It doesn’t mean I’m
not just as excited as the mom to be cruising through her pregnancy. I am hoping it gets better I really do but if
it doesn’t, I know I can live through another 5 months of anything in order to
reap the reward that is coming to us at the end of October. So all of you preggo ladies wondering when
the wondrous glow is going to kick in and pregnancy is going to be a magical
thing, keep waiting because if it’s been tough up to this point third trimester
doesn’t hold any new wonderful milestones except swollen feet, sore joints and
pressure. Lots of pressure in lots of
fun areas of your body!
