Don't Shake the Baby

I have to repeat this to myself.  Not because there is any risk that I would in fact shake my son but because it has become a kind of mantra for me when he is getting just wee bit out of hand.  It is one of those sayings for when you are airing parenting grievances to your bestie and you end it with an exasperated "but really motherhood is awesome, just don't shake the baby".

My monster child at this moment is pant-crying.  It's not a real cry. It comes out in a rhythm like a pant. Short and loud for no reason at all.  He has been doing it every day, throughout the day for about 3 weeks now.  I have a hard time with the crying because for the first 8-9 months of his life he only really cried when he was tired, hungry, or upset.  You know the normals. Lately though we have ventured into the frustrated cries, the "where's mom oh no where did she go" cries and the bodily harm cries.  Oh and lets not forget the new favourite tantrum cry.  I don't know how, but my lovely husband can tune all of these cries out.  I however cannot and after about 4 hours of it I am about to lose my mind.  Thus, don't shake the baby.  I am trying not to pick him up or comfort him every time he cries since in 50 days I go back to work and I really do not want to subject some poor unsuspecting daycare worker to the array of cries.  Time to toughen up kid!

The monster is so mischievous, which I guess we should be glad about because I suppose it means he is smart?  I worry he is going to be one of those horrible destroyer kids.  You know the ones.  We have all experienced a destroyer child.  They are the ones that run around restaurants or scream in the grocery store and when they are on play dates they just destroy everything in their path.  Throwing toys, banging on everything, climbing cabinets etc.  The worry is real.  In the course of 10 minutes my child has escaped his living room barricade and climbed up the stairs, wiggled his way under his playpen and gotten stuck and used his push car walker as a step stool to get up on top of the coffee table.  On the upside he is smart enough to see the weak spots of the barricade to escape, to use toys as ladders and at 10 months old is walking about like a boss. 

A month ago I dreaded the thought of going back to work but at this point I am looking forward to someone else chasing after him while I escape to adult land for 8 hours a day. Until then Lord give me the patience to not shake my baby.

Busted!

The First Home Purchase

 

Everyone has an opinion about your first home purchase.  Sometimes those opinions are sought out and sometimes they are volunteered.  Some of them whether sought or volunteered are openly accepted and others are judgemental and narrow minded. 

Anyone who is in the process of buying a home, whether it is their first ever or tenth is required to take into account many variables.  Usually the number one factor in purchasing a home is affordability.  Can you afford the mortgage and all the fun extra costs that come with owning a home?  As a renter my entire life, it was important for me to be aware of and prepared for all of the extra costs associated with purchasing our first home.  Five years ago I would not have thought about the differing property taxes depending on geographic area or strata fees associated with owning a condo or townhouse.  Not to mention those strata fees can be ridiculous depending on the age of the property.  I wouldn’t have known about CMHC costs or lawyer’s fees.  I did know about insurance but definitely didn’t have a clue how much it would cost.  All this and I haven’t even gotten to the luxury extras that are probably included in your rent right now like hot water, heat, cable, internet and in our case due to my aunt being my land lord; toilet paper, coffee filters and paper towels!  Don’t forget if you are buying brand new there are those pesky taxes thrown onto the list price. 

I’m sure for most people this is common knowledge and you are thinking to yourself, who is this ditz!  I think for those of us who have always rented and never really thought they would own a home on their own, when it comes time to buy, the extra costs can seem overwhelming.  I was 26 and in my first year of College when I met my husband.  I had basically come to terms that between my student loans and drinking my way through my 20’s it would be a long time before I was ready to buy my own home if ever.  These days it is very difficult to own a home with one income.  Oh sure a one bedroom condo it pretty attainable for most but still it takes time to save that down payment. 

Back to the point: once you have ascertained what is affordable for your income other factors come into play.  Geography: where do you want to live?, commute time, tolls, family, work, friends amenities etc.  It would be way less expensive to move to Mission or Abbotsford but are you willing to drive further, and isolate yourself from friends and family just to get a bigger house for your money?  This isn’t’ Texas, size should not be the determination of value.

In our case the number two and only factor that really matters in our search for the perfect first home is that my husband’s daughter, my stepdaughter lives in Coquitlam.  Right now we don’t get nearly enough time with her due to the fact that having her more during the week involves driving 45 minutes to an hour the wrong direction in rush hour to get her to school hopefully leaving me with enough time to get to work. Not to mention the poor thing then has to get up at 6am to get ready.  When searching for our first home we are fully aware that because of where we want to be located our list prices are going to be 10-20% higher than other reasonable neighbourhoods. 

Oh and did I mention that everyone has an opinion.  “Don’t buy a townhouse if you can manage it” recommends one lovely friend.  “Do you know what you could get if you bought in Abbotsford” suggests another well meaning person.  “That same place would cost you way less in Maple Ridge” mentions another.  All very valid points, however every one of those scenarios comes with a “but”.  We could buy a four bedroom three and a half bathroom house built in 1979 within our budget BUT we already live in Pitt Meadows and hate the commute and how long it takes to even just get to the grocery store.  We hate that everything in Maple Meadows closes at ridiculous hours during the week and Lougheed Highway completely bottlenecks after the Pitt River Bridge.  Oh and did I not mention that we want to see MORE of our kid not less.  Built in 1979, guess I know where all of our income is going over the next ten years: Renovations! So this is how every conversation has gone.  Everyone has great points and yes it is up to us to decide what works best for our family.  What we have decided is that being close to those we love and care about is most important and increasing our chances of doing that is the best decision for us!  We are more than happy to hear everyone’s opinions and take them all into consideration, but please just remember; it’s not just about space and money to us.  Some things are just more important than all of that!