I love you more than...my former last name!

I am officially a married woman!  Can you believe it has come and gone already? To be honest I am just thankful it is over.  Don’t get me wrong, the marrying my best friend was the best part, but really truly if I knew a year ago what I know now, we would have either eloped or had a very, VERY small simple wedding. 

I figured I should make an appearance over here on the ‘ol blog since my friend Kim is putting me to shame.  Granted she hasn’t been consumed with the task of planning and executing the most stressful day of her life (yet) but she is a very busy gal who somehow still finds time to blog!  I envy her. 

I have made a list of blog topics I would like to concur this month since my hubby and I have successfully managed to make it through the past year and still love each other as much as when he proposed!  I would love to pass on some of the wisdom I have obtained on our journey and hopefully save all those naïve DIY brides out here from going through what I went through. 

Though DIY-ing saved us a lot of money in the long run, we still went over budget.  Expect to go over budget just control by how much.  Also, if you are thinking about DIY-ing and you’re not super crafty like me, make sure you have people to help you who are; it really makes a difference.  Lastly, if you are DIY-ing really consider, like really think long and hard if 1) you really need that in your wedding,  2) is having it or doing it yourself worth the time and stress and 3) do you have a contingency plan??

Here is a list of items I DIY’d:

Centre pieces: tree branches dried, painted, set in plaster

Flowers: I made all of the centre piece flower arrangements and all the bouquets

Lanterns for the trees: painted red (multiple coats), rhinestone string handles, crystal chandelier garland attachments

Garter: Ribbon, charms, lace and a sewing machine

Invites: drawn, scanned printed

Flower girl dress: Revamped and made a bit fancier with ribbon and buttons plus crinoline skirt

Table numbers: Designed, printed and added vintage pictures collected from family

Shoes: dyed and added brooch

Guest book: added individualized plaque

Card holder: Bird cage with DIY’d signage

I will gladly write tutorials on how I did all of my DIY’d decorations.  There was a lot of trial and error, trust me!  I will say that some of the things I DIY’d ended up costing just as much as if I had just bought something ie. my shoes; but I had a vision!

The first and most important piece of wisdom I can bestow upon all you future brides out there is to learn from my mistake.  I am a perfectionist and I planned down to every last detail and things still went wrong so in the long run I should have been more relaxed over the past 11 months.  I’m sure I drove my husband up the wall and he still married me.  If that’s not a testament for love concurring all I don’t know what is!  I vowed after the wedding that I would never allow another event or special occasion to consume me the way planning the wedding did.  I was an unrecognizable person.  My bridesmaids tell me they were surprised I didn’t go all bridezilla because I have the kind of personality where I really could have ripped a strip off of someone and I didn’t.  Maybe that’s because I was bridezilla-ing on my poor fiancé the whole year and particularly the week of the wedding.  There was a moment when I was speaking to the groom hands free whilst driving to pick up the flowers and I got so frustrated my MC who was accompanying me, had to commandeer the conversation so I wouldn’t get us into an accident.  All of that for one day!  ONE DAY! Yes it is one of the most important days in a young woman’s life but not so important you cause your FH to question why he chose you.  If he wasn’t questioning it I definitely was.  Thank goodness for true love cause if I were him I would have taken off in the eighth month!

I love you more than time alone!

I had one of those moments on Saturday where you immediately wish you could take back the words as they are spilling out of your mouth or in the very least have said them in a different way.   The problem is I meant some of the things I was saying, I probably just didn’t need to say them the way I did.

Let’s be honest.  I can be mean sometimes.  I think everyone can.  Sometimes I know I’m being mean and I do it anyway…. Then I feel really guilty about it.  Then other times I’m mean and I think I’m being conversational but really I’m just being hurtful.  Then there is the odd time I am just frustrated and I am trying to express that frustration but I just come of… yup you guessed it… mean. 

On Saturday I told my wonderful amazing future husband that there were times I wished he just wasn’t there.  WOW! I know harsh right.  Let me explain.  I used to be a server (waitress), and then I was/still am a youth worker.  Now I work full time as a recreation coordinator but I moonlight as a youth worker two nights a week.  I used to have the whole of the afternoon to myself to do as I pleased to sit in silence and just have me to contend with.  Now, the only moment I have alone is the hour I have in the morning to get myself ready, fed and out the door for work.  The evenings I am not working my second job someone is always home…ALWAYS!

This would not be so trying if I weren’t also planning our wedding.  And also if as a couple we were those people who reside in the same house but have our own spaces.  We live in a 750sq/ft basement suite and there is no private space.  Aaron often comes into the bathroom as I’m showering to ask me questions like “Babe, where did you put the remote?” or “can you come and make the potatoes? I don’t know what you put on them” and “Where does this dish go?”.  On the one hand I can’t complain because he asks questions for things he is helping with, like making dinner or doing the dishes.  The problem with that however is that it’s not really lessening my burden by making dinner if you are asking me how to do everything every 8 minutes!

So now I feel horrible because I have allowed my frustration to get the better of me. I love spending time with Aaron.  I get terribly blue when I go long periods of time without seeing him.  I have annoyed friends countless times by skipping events due to not seeing enough of my partner that week.  But then there are times when I urge him to go out with the boys.  Go tie one on, I’ll pick you up!  Go out and play poker with your friends, go snowboarding, go play racquetball! Just GO!! Every once and a while just to get some space.  I go out with the girls, I make plans without Aaron, but sometimes you want to be the one that gets to stay home in your PJ’s and watch bad movies all night.  It’s my turn gosh darn it!

The Invites are Sent!

Finally!!! The time has come! We have printed, stuffed and mailed our invites out to the masses!! Hurray!  Okay so if it didn’t feel real before it definitely does now!

Our Wedding is officially 112 days from today. 

EEK!

You know when you first start planning the wedding and you think to yourself “Wow! I’m getting so much accomplished.  If I keep this up it’s just going to be smooth sailing”.  But then 8 months slide by and you think to yourself “Shit! How is there more to do now than there was 8 months ago??”

Even though we took an extended break from all the wedding craziness, things are now back on track.  Last Saturday I had my bridal hair and make-up consultation and I couldn’t be more thrilled with the results!! My make-up artist/hair stylist is AMAH-ZING!  It doesn’t hurt that she is cute, young, fun and super out-going!  Getting ready for the wedding is going to be a blast!  Oh and if you have some upcoming nuptials and you are looking for someone good check out http://www.jaynamarie.com/JBMakeupArtistry/home.html but unfortunately she is completely booked for 2013.

A couple of weeks ago my super helpful second mother helped me hone my vision for the flower centerpieces by working with me to arrange flea market bought flowers in vases to get just the right formula.  Of course because she is brilliant we managed to find a look we liked in no time at all so we spent the rest of the afternoon sipping delicious margaritas made with love by my old man! 

The last couple of weeks have been amazing.  I have had the opportunity to spend my birthday with all of my friends and family, get lots done for the wedding.  Even though there is still so much to do I feel like things are starting to come together. 

Still on the list of things to do:

        1.      Hire a limo… preferably vintage…. And cheap HAHAHAHAHAH

        2.      Find a florist to make my bridal party bouquets

        3.      Find 3 more vases for center pieces

       4.      Decide if we are going to hire a DJ because they are very expensive and we can only really afford $600.00

       5.      Figure out what to do about the seating chart display

       6.      Get a massage

And the list goes on!  I’m not going to lie.  I’m so super excited to spend August 2, 2013 having the best time with everyone I love and can’t live without!

To save-the-date or not to save-the-date

That was the question but now it seems a bit irrelevant.  In my last post I mentioned that our save the dates were and sometimes still are a topic of contention between me and the future husband.  I had a plan, and it was a pretty cute one too.  But now that plan is, well in the same place most of my plans end up.  Sometimes I’m resolved with the decision we made and sometimes I’m down right resentful.

You see I happen to be the proud sister of an immensely (IMO) talented artist.  Using my sweetest politest suck holing voice I was able to convince my bother to design a picture for our invitations.  Not only did he oblige us with what is exactly the dead on the vision I had in my head but he also provided us with a beautiful water colour picture to use for our save the dates!  This was perfect! Totally original art for both the save the date and the invitation.  My plan was to collect all of our addresses and have the save the dates printed on magnets and send them out in January followed by the invites in May… 

… Has anyone received our save the date?  NO???? Oh right that’s because my plan got scrapped.  Why? You ask.  Well I asked Aaron to email and call everyone on his side of the family in November for their addresses.  I reminded him again in January.  I begged him in February.  It is now March and he received the last of his addresses last week.  So needless to say it is a bit late to send out save the dates.  Aaron and I discussed it and we decided that the word of our wedding has already spread to all of his and my family and everyone knows the date of the wedding so we would save the money on printing and postage and just send out our invitations a month earlier.  

On the one hand I am sad about not using the beautiful art my brother created, but on the other hand I am okay with saving the money and putting it towards something else like the food or the booze.  It is getting a little tiresome being asked constantly when we are planning on sending out the invites but I guess that goes with the territory of planning a wedding.  It is actually a compliment since everyone is excited to receive our invitation.  

This is a screen shot of a mock up save-the-date from vistaprint.

I’m curious when it became so common place to send out a save the date.  I don’t remember it being so main stream.  I think it is just another “must have” item invented by the wedding retail industry to spend more unnecessary money on.  Well you can’t have my money cause my fiancé is a procrastinator, so there!

This is enough

Sometimes, more frequently than not, I reflect on my life and I think to myself that this is enough.  I take stock of all that I have and I am content with the blessings that have been bestowed upon me.  Yes it is true that there are days where I fret over what other people have or how little they struggled to have such gifts or privileges but then I shake the crazy out of my head and thank my lucky stars for what I do have.

It makes me wonder why we are placing this burden of a wedding on ourselves.  I have always said that I refuse to forfeit special moments for other advantages. ie. I refuse to not have a  beautiful wedding in order to buy a house tomorrow instead of six months down the line.  But when I reflect on my life I realize that what I have is enough to sustain my happiness.  It's fear that pushes me to want things for myself that are not necessarily as important as say, having a solid support network or finding your soul mate... twice.  I fear that if I don't give myself the things I have always really wanted, you know the important things like a wedding, a house, kids etc. not the things like a flat screen tv or an ipad, I will look back on life and have regrets.  I already have so many regrets that I don't want the really big ones to be part of that.

I have an amazing step-mom.  She CHOSE us.  She knew going in that she was marrying a guy coming straight out of a divorce with three kids.  One still in diapers.  But she jumped in.  She forfeited the big fancy expensive wedding because buying a house and starting a life was the priority.  They lived out of boxes because they sunk all of their money into a home and she forfeited having her own kids because she agreed having another mouth to feed meant reducing everyones quality of life.  Now I'm not saying she made the wrong choice and I'm not even saying she has regrets but she made choices in her life that I don't think I would ever be strong enough to make.  And trust me I am thankful she decided to tough it out and help raise a bunch of kids that weren't hers! 

I guess I'm a bit of a contradiction because I am content.  As I write this I am looking at my future husband sleeping on the couch and I am filled with a feeling of thankfulness.  I am thankful that he saw something in me that made him want to stick around.  I am thankful that I have someone in my life that accepts me for all of my annoying idiosyncrasies, controlling tenancies and unapologetic craziness.  It's times like this that I appreciate as grounding moments.  I get caught up with the whole "keeping up with the Jones" mentality and then I have nights like tonight where I feel like telling the Jones to keep their facebook updates to themselves and shut the eff up!

And then I realized time was slipping away

Where does the time go?  I was sure just last month I was agonizing over what venue to book and what date we were going to choose.  The wedding is four and a half months away and what used to feel like a well oiled and efficient machine is beginning to feel like an over worked, seizing nightmare. 

I now know the significance of the engagement ring.  It’s to remind a future bride of all the work there is still left to do.  Just when you forget for a moment about the mile long list of to- dos for the wedding and fall back into the relaxing weekend routine you were once acquainted with, you look down at the beautiful symbol of your love and commitment only to think “Shit!” I haven’t booked the florist yet!  This is where I am. 

I allowed myself to take a break since I was right on schedule with booking all of my vendors.  I started a new job in February so there was no possible way I was going to be able to balance everything and keep my cool.  As organized as I like to think I am, I am also an avoidant personality and if I feel overwhelmed something gets put on the back burner.  So I hit pause on the wedding plans.  Now that I am feeling a bit more comfortable and confident with my work situation (even though it is still chaos working two jobs) I am realizing I am so far behind on my wedding planning. 

I asked Aaron in December to collect his addresses so we could send out the save the dates and invites.  Yesterday he finally got all his addresses and we have decided to scrap the save the date and just send invites.  This was something I was not happy with but he did have a point.  Why are we going to spend over $100 on save the dates only to send the invites two months later?  So we are sending the invites out a little earlier than customary.  This may be the biggest mistake when it comes to ensuring people are going to be able to come, but this was what Aaron though would be the best for our budget and our timeline so I am putting it in his hands.  I was able to talk him out of printing our invites on our home printer so this seems like a pretty good compromise.

I started making a list today of all the things I half started but have not quite executed and the list is quite a bit longer than I had estimated.  Looks like it’s time to hitch up my stalking and get back to business. I have a dreadful suspicion something is going to give though and I’m not really willing to lose anything I have in motion right now.  This is why people hire coordinators.  If anyone would like to be my coordinator for free or gift one to me I would not turn away help!

...This time that has lapsed since my last post!

Hello all!

It has been too long since I have posted anything.  My deepest apologies!  I have lots of news to come.  We have been busy little bees over here! 

This is just a wee little hello and hope everyone is doing well in this new year and please stay tuned for progress updates. 

Also February is just around the corner, and for those who don't know this, it can be one of the most depressing times in many peoples lives with the winter darkness, the weather, the financial whiplash from the holidays and the impending doom of Valentines day.  If you suffer from the blues as many people do, hang in there cause spring is just a month and a bit away!! Find a friend, talk it out and listen to some seriously upbeat music.  That always gets me to the next dawn! 

Sleep well my lovelies xo