Making progress.... kinda

I love you more than... the 3ft tall vase I bought for the wedding that you broke today!

One word: MELTDOWN!!!!

You could say I am feeling a tad overwhelmed these days.  Okay, so that's an understatement.  My broken vase meltdown and the wise guidance of my lovely selfless friend Kim has mad me realize that I have more than a fair share of stress on my plate and Tara needs a break.  From life.  But since that is not realistic, time moves on and so do I.

It's moments like this in my life when I ask myself one question: How do those women do it?  You know, the ones that work full time, have two kids, go to soccer games, swimming lessons, PTA meetings and still have time to volunteer at the food bank or some other equally worthwhile charity.  The women that have dinner on the table every day at 6pm and make cupcakes for the bake sale on Wednesday.  I want those women's energy!  I have a sneaking suspicion they are all closet coke addicts or seriously manic.  I actually had a related conversation with my Dad and Step-mom last weekend.  I admitted that though I am a hard worker, I feel like I am actually a very lazy person.  When it comes to work, I am dedicated and reliable.  I show up every day and do my very best.  But, on my days off, and the hours leading up to work I am hard to motivate.  If I don't have a commitment and I don't absolutely have to be somewhere or do something, I just don't.  Do anything.  Ever.  I mean, yeah, I do go stir crazy and I love going out and being social.  One of my favorite things used to be going walking with my good friend Jenny (who abandoned me to go back to *sigh* Alberta).  But the thing is, and this is the thing, it has to be on my terms.  I know I know, controlling much?!  Despite being a lazy person I somehow thought I could take on the huge task of planning this wedding.  God am I deluded!  It will happen.  I will persevere I know this much.  I may be lazy but I am also stubborn and determined.  Now whether or not Aaron will still want to marry the unbearable witch I will most likely become will be another question.

Okay, some of you may be interested to know what the vase meltdown is and why a vase induced a meltdown.   It's silly really.  Aaron leaned from the kitchen over the arm of the couch to look at something on my computer screen and when he stood back up the vase fell and broke into a thousand tiny pieces.  Now it wasn't so much the broken vase that upset me.  It was really just the straw that broke the camels back (I really need to find a new analogy, I hate referring to myself as a camel).  The vase was the first thing I had bought for the wedding decor and when I bought it I felt like I had begun to make progress.  I was beginning to collect inexpensive items for the wedding and it felt good.  Until it shattered and I had to start all over again!  I should also mention that this past week has probably been the most challenging I have ever faced at work.  Friday truly tested my patience and broke my spirit a wee bit.  It would be accurate to say I felt defeated and a bit self pitying.  I hadn't even realized it but I had been trying to "fake it til you make it" for six months.  Sometimes instead of putting on a brave face for everyone you need to really talk about what is going on and what is concerning you.  I like to think I'm a pretty tough cookie, but no matter how many times I say out loud that it will all pay off and it will all work out the bottom line is sometimes you need to say out loud "Hey, this sucks! They lied to me and I'm pissed off!!".  For the past six months I have been busting my ass applying for jobs in Therapeutic Recreation with no luck.  Though I love my job now, it's not quite what I should be doing with my education and I am not making nearly what I am worth.  But something is better than nothing and I am thankful for full time work.  After six months you can't help but beat yourself up just a little and some days more than others.  Your mind runs away with you thinking, what's wrong with me?? What am I not doing that everyone else is?? Everyone in my program told me there was a huge demand for TRP's and I would have my choice of jobs upon graduation.  LIES!!!!  Well I guess not complete lies.  I could definitely work 4 casual positions and drive all around the lower mainland from day to day with no real job security or solid income.  Totally worth 4 years of blood, sweat and tears not to mention student loan debt!  But I digress.  So the broken vase added to the perfect stress storm.

Wedding planning + job search + work stress + procrastinating fiance + dieting + broken vase = meltdown.

On a positive note, we have 2 items to check off the wedding list.  A few weeks ago we gave our good friend Celeste Jacobson the option of either being a guest at our wedding or being our photographer/guest at our wedding and she is honoring us with her immense talent.  Please check her out because she is so talented and just a super lovely person!  http://celestemagnusson.com/  I have had Celeste in the back of my mind for our wedding photographer since 2010 when she photographed Aaron's friends and sister's weddings and now we have her!! YAY! Totally psyched!

On another photography note, Aaron and I had not planned on having engagement photos done because it was an extra expense we didn't really think was necessary.  We hadn't realized at the time that Celeste's wedding packages included a complimentary engagement session.  Well I was talking to my co-worker Jesse this summer about the amazing photos he took on the work camping trip and I told him that we weren't planning on having engagement photos done, but if he wanted to get a little experience doing a photo shoot, we would be more than happy to be his patient subjects.  And so we waited for the leaves to change all the pretty colours and went for a 3 hour walk around Pitt Meadows with Jesse and his camera on October 20th.  We havn't seen the photos yet but I'm sure they are beautiful since I have seen what Jesse can do with a camera and he has a beautiful eye.  He has posted two stop motion videos of the session on his youtube channel.  Feel free to check them out!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8a89CxDTTQ
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bhkpDF2ehY&feature=youtu.be

Thank you so much to Jesse for donating his time and talents on his day off! Cant wait to see the photos!

 We are now in the process of researching caterers, so if anyone has any recommendations we are open to suggestions.  We have also requested my extremely talented brother Rob design our wedding invitation.  He has presented us with two rough draft images which are gorgeous so needless to say (but I'm going to say it anyway) we are dying with anticipation for the finished product.  We are so blessed to have so many amazing talented generous friends and family contributing to what we think is going to be a kick ass good time!

Till next time, peace to the out and good night xo